How do I deal with my manic-depressive love of my life?

Dear Dr. Alman,

How do I deal with my manic-depressive love of my life, and will things ever be normal, and what is normal anyway? 

Anne

Dear Anne, 

You are asking the right questions, including how do I deal with my love? 

You are wise to get past the questions of how do I fix or change him?

You are also intelligent in wondering what is normal, anyway?

Your love is lucky to have you because you are doing your best to be supportive, understanding and intelligent about the wide range of normal.

I’m sure you are lucky to have him in your life, too. 

Remember that whenever he is manic or depressed, neither one lasts forever. 

You have already learned from him that when he is hurting, a second depression follows because he gets depressed that he is depressed.

You love him and when you are together, enjoy each other completely.

Do not allow yourself to become too dependent on him and do not allow him to become too dependent on you.  Nobody likes to be too dependent on anybody else because freedom is what we value the most in life. 

You are learning in this loving relationship that it is also important to learn the art of being alone.  This will allow you to enjoy your time with him more and also enjoy the time you are not together. 

If he is manic-depressive, there is nothing wrong in that.  You will both learn and mature in it. 

But then he may feel badly and ask himself (as you may have been wondering), “Why do I get depressed?  Why do I get manic?  I should not get depressed or manic.”  Then, he starts fighting with the manic-depression. 

As in all relationships, like music, there is a rhythm.  Sometimes enjoy the relationship and sometimes enjoy aloneness.  Enjoying both again and again, one day soon you will come to the understanding that it is not either / or.  It’s both.

This is an important lesson from your own inner true sage.

The relationship skills in the programs at www.TruSage.com will deepen your connection to your own inner true sage AND you will learn HOW TO integrate a few more important things:

1. Every man needs a space of his own.  If you want to love a man and love him forever, and you want him to love you and love you forever, never fill his space completely.  At least a part, 1/3rd, has to be just for him.  Manic-depressive is sometimes the way that happens.  It’s not personal and it is not about you, or you and him. 

2.  In loving relationships, it’s easy to blame the other person if something goes wrong.  If something is not happening as it should, the other person wants to know who is responsible to fix it. 

You are always responsible and only to change yourself.

Make love a self-transformation.

3. Your goal with normal can be to make normal your own creation together.  Be friendly, caring and compassionate towards him.  That’s what love is. 

Manic-depression requires a lot of self-care, medical care, support, positive self-care skills and daily connection with one’s own inner true sage. 

His best answers, and yours, will come from many resources; inside and out.

Continue being a caring as you are because care implies everything.

He will love you for your support as well as all of your wonderful qualities.

You will love him for all of the reasons you already do and with your friendliness, caring and compassion, you may learn to love him even more as you grow together and as individuals.

The most powerful communication in the world is when one person’s inner true sage commnicates with another person’s inner true sage. 

You can learn how to communicate and connect even deeper than ever before with the relationship techniques that I share in my all day beach sessions, my seminars and DVD’s. 

You can know from your question to me that your goal is your present.  Relax with who you are and relax with who your love is.  Celebrate your relationship!

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