Relationships: Observe & Listen!
Relationships are the most important thing….in Life….as partners, parents, kids, friends, co-workers, etc.
Listen vs. checking out…….Most parents have too much to do and not enough time. Kids do, too.
Taking the time to listen to what’s going on with your kids is worth trillions!
Checking out (because everyone is overwhelmed) is not going to work.
Have a day a week or a certain time each day when you just ask your kid, “How are you?”
Whether you get a 5 second response or a 25 minute response; listen.
Make eye contact.
Show open and caring body language.
Follow up that question with this question, “What else?”
Most kids do not feel heard by their parents.
Listening, without judgment, is a gift that you can give to your child everyday.
Be curious.
Be open.
Most parents feel their parents did not listen to them.
So, most parents do not listen to their kids.
Most parents say they will be different than their parents….and then repeat the same patterns.
Most parents need to “finish with the unfinished business” from their childhood.
Most parents still hear their parents in their heads!
Before they know it, they are blurting out the same things they heard and didn’t like!
Listening and being patient can mean the world to your child.
Patience comes from relaxation.
Practice relaxation with yourself and then with your kid(s). You will all be more patient and listen to each other more carefully.
Relaxation can be a walk together, reading out loud together, going to a movie together, singing together, etc. Together (quality and quantity) is the only prerequisite for listening.
The listening will happen spontaneously because of your sharing time.
We all have 86,400 moments each day. Listening slows time down, nicely. Being heard slows time down, to. Being present is the key.
A technique that works in all relationships to improve listening and creates closeness:
Ask this question, “What’s your greatest desire?”
Watch how their answer to your question becomes a blossoming of ideas and feelings!
As you are listening, continue listening by saying this to the other person, “Tell me more.”
You will almost always find that your listening and repeating this to the other person, “Tell me more” will be like watching a rose bush blossom!
Be ready for your listening senses, including your intuition, to be delighted.
Isn’t it amazing how much can grow from 1 seed and 1 question?
Do you agree that listening can become easier, you can relax and listen at the same time, you can listen with patience, you can bond and enjoy the blossoming of ideas from someone you care about?
Tell me more…
These questions or anyone like these will break old patterns, quickly.
With Love,
Dr. Brian Alman
——
NEXT TOPIC — on relationships, including parenting:
JUDGE, JURY and PARENT POLICE is an old pattern that parents pass on so that their kids “aren’t spoiled” or “don’t get a big head” or “act entitled” or “think they are better than other people.”
But does it work?
