Dallas, Texas PARENTS

Dr. Brian Alman was on (7/22/09) Dallas Radio to discuss how PARENTS CAN BREAK THE PATTERNS (especially WEIGHT ISSUES and EMOTIONAL MIRRORING) with……….Gene & Julie Gates host the award-winning Gene & Julie Show. Based at CBS Radio’s legendary KVIL in Dallas, the show is streamed by an international audience on AOL Radio. Gene & Julie have been on The Oprah Winfrey Show and in the New York Times.
InformationAffiliation:
CBS Radio
Location:
Dallas, TX

THANKS GENE and JULIE! I am the parent of 6 kids! I’ve been teaching parents about these topics for 30 years!
Shifting from judgmental to accepting of your kids – as they are now, including if they are overweight, is 100% right!
Getting stuck in judgment and pushing your kids through criticism will never work – even though it seems rational and logical.
Kids need LOVE to succeed; inside and out.
My program at www.keepitoffforlife.com is fun, fast, scientifically-proven, inexpensive and guaranteed! WE CARE!
Thank you for having me as a guest.
Dr. Brian Alman

Motivation Wanted? 90 Days of Calm Power is one click away….

Hi Brian. Hope your summer is going well. I will contact TruSage today. I know you have the formula.
To my friends… check this out.
Betsy

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HI Betsy! For you and your friends, the 90 MOTIVATION TECHNIQUES from www.TruSage.com will bring out the CALM POWER of your inner true sage, everyday.
With Love,
Dr. Brian Alman
P.S. For weight-loss, it’s www.keepitoffforlife.com!

Your TruSage Tip of the Day!

www.TruSage.com Tip for Today

A lot of you are keeping in touch with questions and sharing successes! This is great! We are here for you. You are building a solid foundation for years of success (inside and out). You will definitely be practicing and utilizing your new methods forever!

You are learning how to be 100% on your team and you can reach out to us to help you with all the issues that matter to you.

Not surprisingly, there are a lot of different perspectives and approaches.

The 19th century poet and lawyer John Godfrey Saxe told a tale of six blind people who encounter an elephant. The first man person felt the sturdy side of the beast and declared the elephant to be like a wall; the second felt its fearsome tusk and proclaimed that the creature is like a spear; the third felt the trunk and decided the animal was like a snake; the fourth felt a sturdy, rotund leg and concluded that an elephant is like a tree; the fifth confused an ear with a fan; and the sixth blind person, seizing the elephant’s tail, concluded the animal is like a rope.

Saxe, who based this work on a fable told in India, concluded:
So oft in theologic wars,
The disputants, I ween,
Rail on in utter ignorance
Of what each other mean,
And prate about an Elephant
Not one of them has seen!

Many people argue that human behavior is so complex and challenging to explore, that we haven’t even come close to understanding how human beings work as a whole. Like the blind people and the elephant, we know a lot about individual components and the challenge is to integrate the perspectives into a bigger picture.

You are learning, because of your openness, how to integrate your behavior, awareness and actions into losing weight and keeping it off. You know how to breathe your way through anything — awareness and acceptance. You know how to step way back and see the big picture so that you can tap into your own inner wisdom – last row. You know how to get unstuck from the 15th row of self-doubt, self-criticism and expectations of perfection – awareness, acceptance, breathwork, and getting yourself back to the last row. Plus, you have your telephone calls, emails, DVD’s, CD’s, book, journal, notebook, and your daily tips.

Of course, you are developing self-care skills that you can use on a daily basis in all kinds of situations.

Isn’t it wonderful to know you can always use your new tools to help yourself to feel good, make healthy choices and be happier than you have felt in a long time?

Most importantly, it’s 100% Y-O-U!

CHALLENGES are continually going to come up. Perhaps, much of your life may feel like it’s been an adventure, challenging and difficult. Or maybe it’s just been during certain scenes or at different ages that you’ve noticed it’s been more challenging.

A person who is stuck in the 15th row (critic / judge) is usually thought of as egotistical because it’s always about them, their drama and their misfortunes. Remember, everyone gets stuck in the 15th row – and probably everyday – but you just don’t want to get stuck there for long…an hour, minutes and then moments. The egotistical person, the person stuck in the 15th row, always wants more or better because the ego never allows you to rest.

From the last row, you can go on accepting new challenges. Learning how to take better care of your self than ever before is a real challenge. Naturally, you feel more alive and you know that life is to be lived today. You have your intuition, inner wisdom, peace of mind and now you really care about your body. Your care does imply everything.

Best wishes!

Dr. Brian Alman

Parenting Myself: Lovingly!

Hi Brian!!!
I just had – and I’m still in the throes of – the most amazing, awesome
epiphany!! I’m in the last row (I popped up there while reading my TSI
email just now) and I feel myself fully in the presence of God, and I feel
totally at peace and alive and safe and loved and loving and ready for this
exciting life I now believe in more fully than ever. I am joy!!

Thank you for leading me to be ready for this moment!!

With gratitude and love,

Kris
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From Dr. Brian Alman
P.S. Regarding Kris – She’s lost a lot of weight, kept it off, and the benefits to her health, happiness and wellness are very big gains!

Relationship and Parent Police!!

Every parent and everyone in a relationship has been put in the position of being JUDGE, JURY and PARENT POLICE.

This is an old pattern that parents pass on so that their kids “aren’t spoiled” or “don’t get a big head” or “act entitled” or “think they are better than other people.”

JUDGE, JURY and PARENT POLICE is an old pattern that parents pass on so that their kids “don’t make stupid mistakes” or “buckle under peer pressure” or “hang around with the wrong kids” or “miss opportunities that they wished they had.”

Parents pass on the pattern of MAKING their kids be better than they were or not as bad.

The critical approach or yelling or nagging or constantly correcting is a way to lower your kid’s self-esteem, not raise it up.

ALL SIZED-KIDS ARE VERY SENSITIVE!

Negativity, JUDGE, JURY and PARENT POLICE adds pressure to your kids….mentally, emotionally and physically.

According to a study that started with 100,000 people — www.ACEStudy.org — with publications in JAMA — the most negative experiences in relationships come from emotional / mental abuse.

Even though parents believe they are pushing their kids in the right direction, this often backfires.

Plus, the negativity becomes reciprocal….it’s how the kids end up feeling about their parents, too.

All relationships are reciprocal. The worse you treat someone, the worse they treat you. Naturally, the opposite is true, as well.

When you are mad at the person you are in a relationship wiht, including your kids or you are being JUDGE, JURY and PARENT POLICE; go vent….on your own….not at your partner or kids….and where they can not hear or feel your mental vomit (anger) and insensitivity (even if it is with good intentions).

This means the parents have to have ways of worrying about their kids without passing on the patterns of sharing the worries and JUDGE, JURY and PARENT POLICE…

Hint: You can breathe your way through anything….you just need to learn exact methods so that your breathing does really help you and your relationships.

Like lifting heavy weights, it helps to breathe right. And you still need to lift. Breathing alone does not get the weight off.

Exact techniques are in the 21 Days At The Beach DVD’s — www.TruSage.com.

The breathing: Inhale and say to yourself, “I LOVE __________” (fill in your kid’s name or your partners name here).

Exhale and say, to yourself, your own name.

Do this at least 10 times and on an as-needed basis.

Love is the most powerful healing force in the world.

Breathing is something you are doing anyways….Combining your love with your intentions and including every cell (through breathing) in your body…..is always going to help to some degree.

If that doesn’t work….

Inhale and say to yourself, “You are much more than JUDGE, JURY and PARENT POLICE”

Exhale and say, to yourself, your own name.

Do this for 10 breaths or more…until you relax…feel loving and remember you can never spoil anyone with too much love.

If that doesn’t work…

Please imagine a whole conversation with your kid and you are the JUDGE, JURY and PARENT POLICE. Get it all out in your head and do it all in your imagination. When you are done releasing and expressing all of your anger — usually this just takes a few minutes — then go to your child with your approach that is beyond JUDGE, JURY and PARENT POLICE.

Being friendly, caring and compassionate (that’s what love is) will move mountains in your relationships….and you will not make mountains out of molehills!

Being judge, jury and police of your relationships will make mountains out of molehills and make it almost impossible to move forward.

Most of the time, you have the ultimate power; the power of choice.

You are learning how to take care of the most important things in your life; RELATIONSHIPS.

With Love,

Dr. Brian Alman

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COMING SOON: Get the giggle back in your relationships and parenting! Patterns that are unhealthy for you and your kids are serious business. You can anaylze them to death. You can talk about your childhood, injustices, things you don’t want to pass on…..forever! Lifetimes!

Or you can do it all in this lifetime and ASAP!

Relationships: Observe & Listen!

Relationships are the most important thing….in Life….as partners, parents, kids, friends, co-workers, etc.

Listen vs. checking out…….Most parents have too much to do and not enough time. Kids do, too.

Taking the time to listen to what’s going on with your kids is worth trillions!

Checking out (because everyone is overwhelmed) is not going to work.

Have a day a week or a certain time each day when you just ask your kid, “How are you?”

Whether you get a 5 second response or a 25 minute response; listen.

Make eye contact.

Show open and caring body language.

Follow up that question with this question, “What else?”

Most kids do not feel heard by their parents.

Listening, without judgment, is a gift that you can give to your child everyday.

Be curious.

Be open.

Most parents feel their parents did not listen to them.

So, most parents do not listen to their kids.

Most parents say they will be different than their parents….and then repeat the same patterns.

Most parents need to “finish with the unfinished business” from their childhood.

Most parents still hear their parents in their heads!

Before they know it, they are blurting out the same things they heard and didn’t like!

Listening and being patient can mean the world to your child.

Patience comes from relaxation.

Practice relaxation with yourself and then with your kid(s). You will all be more patient and listen to each other more carefully.

Relaxation can be a walk together, reading out loud together, going to a movie together, singing together, etc. Together (quality and quantity) is the only prerequisite for listening.

The listening will happen spontaneously because of your sharing time.

We all have 86,400 moments each day. Listening slows time down, nicely. Being heard slows time down, to. Being present is the key.

A technique that works in all relationships to improve listening and creates closeness:

Ask this question, “What’s your greatest desire?”

Watch how their answer to your question becomes a blossoming of ideas and feelings!

As you are listening, continue listening by saying this to the other person, “Tell me more.”

You will almost always find that your listening and repeating this to the other person, “Tell me more” will be like watching a rose bush blossom!

Be ready for your listening senses, including your intuition, to be delighted.

Isn’t it amazing how much can grow from 1 seed and 1 question?

Do you agree that listening can become easier, you can relax and listen at the same time, you can listen with patience, you can bond and enjoy the blossoming of ideas from someone you care about?

Tell me more…

These questions or anyone like these will break old patterns, quickly.

With Love,

Dr. Brian Alman
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NEXT TOPIC — on relationships, including parenting:

JUDGE, JURY and PARENT POLICE is an old pattern that parents pass on so that their kids “aren’t spoiled” or “don’t get a big head” or “act entitled” or “think they are better than other people.”

But does it work?

S-T-R-E-S-S…..who you?

S-T-R-E-S-S…..who you? Yes, you! Couldn’t be? Then, who?

All relationships can be stressful. Partners, parents, kids, co-workers, friends and even the one with yourself.

Let’s see what we can learn from the parent’s perspective about how to deal with S-T-R-E-S-S:

DEALING WITH STRESS, family problems, money issues, health concerns….

Everyone has adverse experiences in their families. Most of these are not avoidable. How parents deal with adversity is one of the most important life lessons that parents pass on to their kids.

Role model and tell your kids what you are doing to let go of stress. That can be working out, being in the garden, talking with friends, going for a walk, singing, playing a musical instrument, dancing, painting, journaling, etc.

Everyone has their own ways of dealing stress….and learning new ways to “add-on” to your old ways is a great idea….especially, since these are positively going to help!

How we deal with stress can become a teachable moment, a skill-set development opportunity and it’s real.

Of course, there are age appropriate issues — how much to share with an aged child.

I do not believe in sharing the details of the stress with kids…..just share the what are you doing about it. That’s the key. How you deal with stress….not what is stressing you out.

Kids want their parents to be happy….so they will try to figure out what that may be….it’s unfortunate because the kids are helpless and don’t have enough life experience to figure out the answers that will work.

Let your kids know that when you are upset and stressed, what you need; a hug, some quiet time, need to walk, etc.

SHARE your skills…..share your ways of dealing with stress and letting go….to role-model positive approaches.

Otherwise, you will pass on what your parents did and the kids pick up those patterns (unconsciously)….

Being loving includes being honest about HOW you deal with stress……this brings you closer…..

Being real about how you deal is being loving, too.

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NEXT BLOG On S-T-R-E-S-S will focus on Listening vs. Checking Out…….

Most parents have too much to do and not enough time.

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To find out more about the “how-to’s” and the “add-on’s” — visit www.keepitoffforlife.com

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Make the most of today by dealing with S-T-R-E-S-S with some of your new skills from this BLOG.

I’m spelling the word out because it may help to just slow you down enough to realize you can deal with things even better today than yesterday.

With Love,

Dr. Brian Alman

PARENTS! PATTERNS!

HOW PARENTS PASS ON THEIR PATTERNS: (QUICK TIPS)

Most parents are committed to being better than their parents were….more understanding….more flexible…less yelling…spend more time…and improve from the last generation (instinctive)…and so their kid won’t be as “bad” or “rebellious” or “secretive” or “make as many mistakes…

Great intentions! Plans! Hopes!

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. It’s also the most important. Indivdiual lives and generations are at stake. It’s also the lowest paid…24/7….never-ending (not even at 18)…

HOW PARENTS PASS ON THEIR PATTERNS: (QUICK TIPS)

1. EMOTIONALLY — How each parent feels about their own life, career, marriage, upbringing, weight, self-esteem, self-reliance and education — filters into their parenting with their children.
For example, if a parent feels badly about their childhood, they will continually impress upon their children how they DON’T want them to be! Or how they NEED to be so they don’t repeat the same mistakes as they did.

This is called PROJECTION. Like a movie camera, the parent PROJECTS on to their children how they DON’T want them to be (sexually, weight, sports, respect, organization, etc). Parents communicate this verbally and non-verbally.

Parents also PROJECT how they NEED their children to be (sexually, weight, sports, respect, organization, etc). Parents communicate this verbally and non-verbally, too.

EMOTIONS are the life blood of relationships. Anemic? Bleed easily? Need a transfusion? Weak?

Parents PROJECT their emotions (fears, especially) right on to their children.

* TIP: Ask your child, “What’s right about your life?”

Focus on the positive and grow in those directions by asking questions and listening.

Get beyond focusing on the negative and telling your children how they should be…

* TIP: Share with your child, what’s right about your life.

Hint: Kids want their parents to be happy. That makes them secure.

Hint: Kids want their parents to be happy with them….That makes them secure, too.

It’s not avoiding the negative or denying, it’s getting beyond it and offering reassurance that there is a lot that is right about your child….everyday.

Just as a tree needs sun, water and nutrients everyday to grow to it’s fullest.

Kids need love, touch and kind words everyday to grow to their fullest.

Parents are going to PROJECT their feelings to their kids!!!!!!!!!

Positive projections are empowering.

Negative projections are de-motivating.

Remember to focus on what’s right about your kids and deliver that message, PROJECT it, with love, touch and kind words.

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COMING SOON…..
FOR PARENTS…..
FOR FAMILIES…..
DEALING WITH STRESS, family problems, money issues, health concerns….

Relationship Balance, Better Sex, Harmony, Intimacy and Breathing…

Step Two (of 5 Minutes to Better Sex):

(1 minute) Now, you are ready for the exact breathing technique and it is very simple; (there is no way you can do this wrong and there is nothing you need to do right) — both of you, ACCEPT your breathing as it is — Within a minute, your breathing will be in-tune, in alignment, relaxed and harmonious.

Eyes open or closed, it’s the same process – connecting and getting in balance through ACCEPTANCE of your breathing and naturally, of yourselves and each other without even trying.

As you relax like this together, pay attention to each other’s breathing, accept it as it is as you accept your own as it is.

Look into each other’s eyes. No words are needed. Every time you look into each other’s eyes, you will harmonize your breathing, your gaze and your relationship; automatically.

In fact, every time you picture each other, you will feel the same connection. Pretty soon, all you’ll need to do is think of each other and you will feel each other’s friendliness, care and compassion; (Love).

5 Minutes to Better SEX…

You will soon learn, from www.TruSage.com, how to experience and share…5 Minutes to Better SEX…

Here is a tease….

Hint: There are 4 and 1/2 steps!

Here’s Step One. If you want to know more, write into this BLOG, and write to www.TruSage.com.

The 5 Minutes to Better SEX is coming soon — to the website!

Step One: (1 minute) Sit or lie down right next to each other and look into each other’s EYES. When you do this the 2nd time, or if you’re both feeling courageous the 1st time, EYES closed and feel each others presence. Looking into each others eyes is to connect at what is called the third eye or the intuition. With eyes closed and holding hands or touching toes, the most important thing is to connect, be close and see each other with different EYES. You may experience this more as a feeling of each other’s presence because seeing is done with more than the EYES.

You could never practice this too much. A few moments is great and one minute is plenty. Watch what happens. A little bit can go a long way…

You are opening the doors (within) and will discover (inner) experiences that are freeing, safe, relaxing and exciting!

The one rule with all of the steps in 5 Minutes to Better SEX; when in doubt, go deeper!

With Love,

Dr. Brian Alman